Life is busy but every so often I get the sort of reality check that reminds me forcibly that we are engaged in a war & if we are doing our jobs properly we are going to find ourselves in the trenches on the front line. I don't like war zones. I have serious issues with conflict. In point of fact I'm one of the world's great wooses. This is not somewhere I like to find myself.
Our church is unique & unusual. It grew out of a stubborn desire by a little core of elderly Anglican women to be able to worship every week, not just once a month when the minister came over. It has been down to a handful of people gathered in a member's house. It has grown large enough to move to larger premises. For 20 years it has clung like a limpet to the island. Other churches have come & gone. Ministers have come & gone. The church has stayed. At present it is also in serious difficulties. Basic problem, a conflict in how worship should be between our traditionalists & our charasmatics. Lots of unhappy people ~ & I means lots!
Our AGM is coming & a change of committee is on everyone's mind. Who should we elect to give God's people a vision & a hope? Three times I had people approach me & ask if I would stand for chair. Three times I said no way, hosea. I do not have gifts of organization or helps. I am reasonably good with people but I am more in the teacher/prophet mold & inclined to be fairly chaotic in any area other than writing/speaking. Unfortunately for me I am married to an intercessory. Like Jacob, Dearest knows about wrestling with God in prayer. Over a fortnight God gave Dearest His vision for our church. Dearest has been chair once. He is too sick to do it again but as a team we could do it. Dearest does all the detail that drives me wild & makes me very bad tempered & I become the face & deal with the church, which I have no problem with. I remain under Dearest's covering as well as God's. As Dearest says, his job becomes that of the avenging angel protecting the ministries. We have had so much confirmation I know I will have to stand but I have been dragging my feet hoping against hope God will raise up someone else to do a job I'm not in the least interested in doing & for which I feel most inadequet. (Please, no homilies about how God uses the weakest vessel etc. Knowing does not make it any easier.lol.)
So while I am alternately breaking down in floods thanks to serious bouts of attack at an extremely busy time of the year & ranting silently because I am as selfish as the next person & am perfectly happy to keep my pew warm & zoned out, Dearest doesn't remind me that the vision has been given to us. (Hopefully others too, but to us.) In point of fact we were discussing another issue entirely when Dearest reminded me we shouldn't even be here.
Nearly 20 years ago, before either of our girls were born or even thought of, God sent his angels to make sure we lived long enough to come here to live & be a part of this church. He truely has prepared every good work beforehand. Funny what a difference having that picture has made to my mind set. I mean, God does know what He's getting when He gets me & He might just have someone else in mind, mightn't He? And if He went to such extraordinary lengths to ensure we were here for His purposes I rather think I'd better get on with it, don't you? Yeah, me too. *sigh* I'm not good soldier material.