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“At times our lives seem like that of a tranquil island in a sea of chaos. The battle is to keep this sea of chaos at bay and not let it wash us away into utter chaos.”
Sanjeeva Ananthan
Diane, at Tomato Soup, named her cat Ranavalona (Anne for short), Queen of Madagascar, a lady of whom I had never heard...so I began a little research. After all, a female Caligula sounded intriguingly notorious. How notorious she actually was seems to depend on your point of view. This seems to be a more balanced viewpoint ~ or at least a different one.
I never comment on these clever blogs but sometimes I wonder because this interesting writer also had an article on Sheela Na Gigs ~ those grotesque, vulgar man/woman things you sometimes find over medieval church doors that along with gargoyles & dragon's heads seem a strange anomaly for a Christian people. I was not happy with her comments.
Now I admit I know more than I probably should about paganism ~ at least from an archaeological point of view. I have never been in the least tempted to practise it, mostly because I believe there is a very dark aspect to these things that many people blind themselves to. Ancient peoples tended to have a much more fundamental & concrete approach to their religion & sacrifice was rarely symbolic. However even some cursory research gives some insight into why these very exhibitionist ladies ended up adorning church doorways.
And by cursory I do mean cursory. You don't have to read very far to realise that Celtic women were not meek & mild keepers of hearth & home. From Mab & Boudicca onwards they've been a feisty lot wielding their own particular power. I suspect Celtic men were rather terrified of them. Just my think. Descriptions of Boudicca (admittedly by Roman men who had very different expectations of their women) are hardly flattering. Likewise their goddesses were warriors, harridans, hags as well as beautiful maidens & prior to Christianity there was a strong fertility aspect to Celtic religion. Hence it was circular.
At uni I majored in English literature & what literature deals in is symbols, so when I come across ancient fertility images on church doors lots of things immediately come to mind: doorways of another kind; Dana's doorways into Life & Death, Ceridwen's doorways into poetic inspiration, doorways into the sacred spaces. There there is the collary to 'ashes to ashes, dust to dust' because from woman is man born, to woman (the earth mother) does he return ~ at least in Celtic thinking. I know of several Irish hills whose older name is *the paps of Anu (another godess), so this was a rather literal interpretation. If you know your church history you will understand that the Celtic church was quite different from the Roman church (enough so the Roman church felt impelled to impose it's viewpoint in order to stamp out *heresies*). In the process Celtic godesses became *saints*. Brighid is a good example, however you want to spell her name. Another godess. The ancient religion has been rather difficult to eradicate completely. Even today, although much of the meaning has been lost, the ancient practices still continue as *festivals* that draw thousands of tourists. I suspect the sheela na gigs are simply the remant of a much older practise & belief that survived despite the onslaught of Christianity & are there because people were loathe to let go of the known & familiar & tried to blend the old with the new. Certainly one role of the sheelas was that of protectoress ~ though that begs the question, protecting from what?
Seeing the sheelas always makes me sad. Sad because Christ came that we might have life, & have it abundantly. So often what Christianity, the religion, has brought, has been death. Instead of entering into a vital living relationship with God people have been offered the dead ashes of ritual, liturgy & form. The sheelas & the gargoyles, the dragon's heads & cats faces are a poignant condemnation that we have brought people to Church instead of bringing them to Christ.
I like odd things, odd information, odd pictures, quirkiness of all sorts, so when it comes to music I was charmed the first time I heard a counter tenor. Actually I'm still charmed. Something about not being able to pick whether I'm listening to a male or a female voice intrigues me. I have learnt being in the same room with a counter tenor is far less fun. Standing next to one, as Ditz unreliably informs me, is even less fun.
One of our treble singers also has a pretty good baritone & last night we got a demonstration of his ability to slide between his baritone range & his treble range. Then we got the lecture on why good posture is so important & how the voice actually works & why boys' voices don't actually *break*. I just have to share. This is fascinating stuff people! I sorta got to learn how they do that!
Inside the oesophagus (about where the Adam's apple is) there are 4 *vocal folds* ~ don't ask. I don't understand biology so this bit I take on faith. The back ones are where you sing from in the lower registers, the front ones for the higher but regardless of where you sing you need good posture or the muscles develop lopsidedly. I can only imagine what that does to one's singing! Ditz, who is something of a sloucher soaked it all up & perceptibly straightened in her chair.
All this because at present the ensemble is working on Benjamin Britten's carols for the Qpac stuff at the end of the year singing firsts, seconds & thirds so lots of work is still needed. Ditz is singing seconds, right next to our treble singer. She comes home with her ears absolutely ringing. The sopranos actually make my ears ache & the acoustics in the music room seem to double the sound so with two strong male trebles & 10 high girl sopranos it becomes a little overwhelming at times. One drowns in sound.
I'm rather pleased Ditz is singing seconds because she tends to rehearse in the car. We have a very small car! Ouch! The seconds & thirds groups are rather small & I admit to generally having a preference for the deeper sounds but I must confess I really like the unearthly ethereal sound Alison gets from her ensemble for this music. Ditz doesn't like it much but I adore it. Yep, it's not your usual run of the mill music!
Ditz is also starting to compose her own music & I really wish I knew more about the process because I can't help her with this. I am hoping Sian, her piano teacher, can help her with the notation so she can copyright it & we can keep a record for her school work. I do like learning new things about stuff that truly interests me.
When we did the standardized testing way back when, Ditz managed to do spectacularly badly. We are talking the illiterate end of the scale here. She's not illiterate; she was merely very bored. I don't see why I should put either of us through that again...which is rather beside the point.
We are at semester's end & Alison has been sneakily testing the ensemble class on their theory so that Ditz wasn't even sure that it was a test. Was I nervous? Oh yes! Ditz can not be relied on in these situations. If she gets a bee in her bonnet ~ forget it! Ditz has done no theory in any of her music so all the theory (as such) is new to her. First results are in...& Ditz has done spectacularly well! She got the 2nd highest lot of marks in the class! Knock me down with a feather!
One mark she lost because her handwriting is so terrible, one for adding a note that wasn't there (but should have been to hear Ditz tell it) & one just outright wrong. It makes all the traipsing round in the wet, the dark & the cold worth it. Ditz is pretty pleased with herself too. Any other subject & sadly she wouldn't have cared less, but music! Ah, now, that is another matter entirely!
It makes it worthwhile for Alison who likes kids to be enthusiastic & care about what they are doing (last night's lecture was on just that but it's end of term & the school goers are just tired, purely & simply.) It's easy for Ditz. She is not sitting in a classroom for 6 ~8 hours before her music class. This is all novelty for her & she is socializing, though I have noticed she seems to be pulling away from making friends. Note to self: check with Ditz as to what's going on; probably all in her head. I do know she gets antsy about some of the behaviour & by school standards this is an extremely well behaved class. This is one class Ditz makes a concerted effort to focus & reel in all her add behaviours on her own. She isn't always successful but she does try & she doesn't appreciate the kids who make it difficult for her to focus.
And the night's funny was on me. Normally I park myself up the back of the class with a good book or some work. Last night I was sorting out what I needed in curriculum & how much it was going to cost me (ouch!) before going back to my book but occasionally something in the room will catch my attention & I will tune in, so I was tuned in as Alison began revising common time & 3/4 time. Her question, which for the life of me I can't now remember, had her class flummoxed (probably what caught my attention) so she turned to me!!! I blush beautifully...but I did know the answer. Please don't tell me you know where Ditz gets her scattered *how I learn without paying attention* traits from.
I love intellectual stimulation as much as the next wanna be academic but to intellectualise God is not to experience God. Experiential experimentation is not without it's dangers but are we not told that His sheep will know His voice? And having once heard that voice how could it ever be mistaken for anothers?
Like others before me I find it almost impossible to put into words either what I seek in silence or how I encounter God there & why, for me, there is no greater worship than to sit quietly at the feet of He who loved me so much that He died for me & hearken my heart to whatever He might wish to say to me in the silence.
At present I am working my way through Geoffrey Hubbard's Quaker by Convincement & some of his thoughts resound very much with my own ideas.'Our beliefs both sustain us individually & warn us against forcing our own ideas on others; we can show them the way to God, but He will show them the pathway of belief, & since they are not the same person as we are, their belief may well be different to ours to match their personal need.'
Even more so does this resound:..We cling to our direct experience of the eternal (finding)this absolute worked out in living terms in the teaching of Jesus, & then we turn our whole being to trying to follow that teaching.'
To enter into God's silence is to fall naked into the hands of the living God. There is nothing to shield you from God's light & truth ~ no music, no other's prayers, no message however erudite. Nor is this a time to bring my needs & wants before the heavenly throne, though those issues may arise, because the silence is not about me. It is about hearing the still small voice of God, about waiting on His presence.
Nearly all of my Christian life I have not been in a Meeting. I have worshiped in more mainstream churches ~ Catholic, Presbyterian, Lutheran, Anglican, Methodist, AOG ~ & I have found God in all of those places. It is like looking in a mirror darkly. Now I am being almost driven ~whilly~nilly ~by the Spirit into the Silences. The only other times I have felt the Spirit in such force is when I have been compelled to give a message & at such times there is no force on earth that can stop you because you do not stand in your own power. I admit to finding it totally bewildering. After all these years, why now?
Why at all? The silences are not a comfortable place to go. As the silence gathers the tears begin to fall, seeping through my pores unbidden, unexpected, for no discernable reason. I have never found a reason for them, or been able to define the emotion they bring. This is not the violent sobbing of repentance, or of grief, but a slow unravelling of the soul sinking with relief at the feet of Jesus.
Quakers have been accused of being mystics. This also bewilders me. It is the most practical of faiths & very much concerned with the world Christ came to save, with being His hands & feet, bringing His love to peple in need. I do not see myself as a mystic. Niave? Maybe. Idealistic? Probably. Practical? Hardly. Mystical? Definitely not. This is not some airy~fairy pie~in~the ~sky experience. It is very concrete.
I can explain it best by telling a story. Not only is this a story about how the silence is very concret in application but about how I am so sure that I heard the voice of Christ & I will always know it again.
Several years ago I was asked to give the Christmas message at church here on the island. All the pastors were away & the rest of the laity wanted a more exciting opportunity or a day they thought they would have a larger congregation. I wasn't overly happy either. Christmas has been done to death. What was there left to say? I'm not a trained preacher, or a clever speaker. I am certainly no theologian. (See my opening paragraph.) I spent a good hour absolutely ranting at God inbetween wracking my brains for some sort of a hook, any sort of a hook, just something I could hang what would be a poorly attended message on. I was not a happy bunny. When I finally shut up & started to listen I got the shock of my life. Now, I am not a mystic but I swear this is true.
While I was sitting glowering at my blank computer screen having a major panic I felt a presence just behind my chair. Thinking it was one of the kids siddling up to me I paid no hede. Then a voice said quietly, ' Like this, Dear Heart.' I will never forget. No~one but no~one calls me Dear Heart. The message Christ gave me was nothing I would ever have come up with on my own because it's central theme was the cross & the need for repentence & that Easter was the purpose & origon of Christmas. I might have been doing the typing but it was Christ dictating the message.
And having experienced God I know the words of the bible to be literally true; His peace doth pass all understanding; God is love; He will lead us & guide us. All I need to do is be still & know that He is God. He will do the rest.
Now there is a thought that should give us a sharp reality check.
Here he is ensuring he has my full attention by wrapping his head over my arm. I could read but I couldn't type. The purr was rattling both me & the chair.
I think I said that a week ago we were visiting yet another church, Baptist this time. Baptist in Oz is not, I don't think, quite the same as Baptist in U.S of A. For one thing hardly any of the women wear skirts. No~one covers & nary a long hair is to be seen. Now you must understand we have churched on the island for at least 15 years with all 10 of the regular church goers. Think small. Think very small. The Quaker Meeting had the sort of numbers we are used to.
So we arrived early ..The Ditz, Liddy, me. I wore my maroon kameeze complete with dupatta. The girls wore long shorts & their hair up in ponytails but we were all wide eyed as the people started piling in...& they kept coming!
You have probably heard, as we have, that the first 3 minutes anyone is in a new church determines whether or not they come back; the greeting was a little overwhelming & it made us giggle. We've been instructed on making newbies feel welcome so it was more than a little odd to be on the receiving end & I'm sure the kameeze had some thinking they'd landed a bunch of Buddhists. I am very comfortable in my kameeze so the odd looks coming our way didn't faze me in the least & the girls are way too used to me to be the least bothered.
Unfortunately we got the Sunday the church was celebrating their 21st so it wasn't a regular service & as the pastor is leaving not the Sunday to judge the preaching either. The big pluses were the number of youth, the music ministry, the focus on outreach & missions.
Now I freely admit I am atrocious in these sort of situations. I tend to curl away from people or find the situation so hilarious I am quite likely to misbehave. I found it funny. Oh dear. I am a very visual person so the whole service was madly distracting from beginning to end. Something was happening all over the church all service & that is a big problem for me. It requires real restraint & focus on my part to pay attention to what I should be focused on. As we are church hunting I have an excuse & I know I am better once I get used to a new place but it did not make me very happy. Plus the music was so loud & so modern I got a huge headache. This is not the church for me. However, & this is huge for me, both Liddy & Ditz were cautiously pleased. Pleased enough to be prepared to go again. Pleased enough to trial it. So we will. I have already said I will be going to Meeting once a month. I need to. However if we are happy with this church I am prepared to drop them off together, go to Meeting, pick them up after or alternatively that week they can stay home. I much prefer smaller, quieter churches but quite understand the girls need to be able to worship with like minded people their own age with music they know & love.
I was looking for us. We all need to be in church & if we find somewhere good the boys will join us. What I wasn't expecting was to get a full car quite so quickly. One of the girls we took to Toowoomba wants to come with us if we've found a good church; there's nothing on the island. It is only a matter of time till Liddy asks the other to also join us. Liddy has always had a missionary's heart so the one spare seat left is unlikey to remain vacant for long.
I am not an outreach person. My focus has always been on the sustaining, the building up, the strengthening of the people of God to enable them to do that for which He has called them so already I am quailing at where Liddy is headed because we are still at this funny inbetween stage where Liddy is relying on me to uphold her & support her as she takes these first baby steps into what will eventually be her whole way of life. Which is why I need the Quaker Meeting & that quiet place where I can hear what the Lord has to say for my ears alone. It would not be a problem if I was one of these gregarious, outgoing, people orienteed & capable women like the Proverbs 31 woman who makes me both tired & cross. I am not like that ~ or when I am it is only amongst very safe company like my bloggy friends who only exist in cyberspace. (I know you all don't but my mind plays some funny tricks sometimes lol.) Which is why the Lord gave me such social children & then told me to deal with it. I don't always do it well but we try.