Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Losing my mind...

If I was Liddy I would have been in touch but I am not Liddy. I am me & my body is that thing I lug round to keep my brain in, like an old purse. I've had it a while now so it should not surprise me it is showing signs of wear & tear. It doesn't surprise me but it frustrates me no end.

I am not only losing words but sentences, even whole paragraphs while my children foam at the mouth & go, 'Would you finish what you were saying, mum!' I was talking?! Oh, right. So as I was saying...

I am not a high energy person. I can plod to some purpose if I pace myself carefully & am a long time night owl because night is the best time to write while it is dark & quiet & the rest of the house indulges in deserved slumber & can't annoy me! So I can't begin to tell you of my discomfit when I began doing what in my family is known as 'doing a Shirl' because my beloved aunt Shirley was notorious for nodding off as soon as the clock hands touched 7pm. Worse I nod of anywhere & everywhere ~ flute, band, choir, violin, on the jetty, watching t.v, on the boat. I am an embarrassment to the girls but my eyes just won't stay open!

It finally occurred to me, seeing as my cycle has always been hugely erratic that, I hadn't been plagued for some time & was in fact not losing my mind, or on the verge of a mental breakdown but simply menopausal. I am not enjoying it much! I thought I would. Rather my hormones have decided to play havoc with my emotions & unless I keep things very calm & stress free I am an emotional mess. Yes, I know. In this house! It is an uphill battle I can tell you. At least I now know what the problem is.

Ditz is not stress free at any time. Wednesdays are particularly bad. This week both boys decided to move back home temporarily. Theo is on R&R after his operation. Dino quit his job & doesn't start his new one till Monday. I have crabs & fish gut all through my kitchen along with Dearest's stamps. Theo arrived with a bag of fishing gear that I swear hasn't been washed since the last time I did it. It stank to high heaven. Wednesdays & Thursdays I am hardly here so whatever the boys get up to I walk into a full blown mess when I get home. No wonder I took Ditz to her violin lesson & promptly nodded off despite the wailing of two violins. I can sleep through anything.

We just had time to duck home for the mainland car keys before taking off for choir. Choir ran overtime so I was watching the clock like a hawk, calculating to the second how long I could wait before we would definitely miss our boat.

I find choir fascinating so rarely sleep there as it is far too entertaining & last night was no exception. Between the choir turning sulky as it battled the German & a difficult tune till more than half the choir dropped out & just listened & the news from Singapore I had far too much on my mind for sleep.

Alison spent last week in Singapore teaching & lecturing. She was such a hit she was offered a job, several jobs, more money, housing ~ the whole celebratory lifestyle! Wow! She was coaching Robert Redford! I know who Robert Redford is so I'm impressed even if the kids have never heard of him. She was such a hit one of the big~wigs is following her back to Australia in the hopes of changing her mind which means despite the school holidays, when choir is normally in recession, choir members have been asked to go in to Qpac next Thursday for rehearsal so Mr Big~wig can see how Alison rehearses her choir. I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. It means driving in Brisbane without Liddy!!! Ditz is going to have to learn to read a map! Next year's tour was discussed. I have no idea if, or how, God is going to manage this financially. I am in meltdown already & it is still 12 months away! See Ditz is one of the kids not struggling with the German... or the music. Dit aced last week's test. I think she lost something like 1/2 a mark. This is my beautiful but flighty flibberty~gibbet with the concentration span of a gnat. I just want to run round like a headless chook screaming. Put it down to menopause.

Dearest keeps asking how we landed in this musical morass. What is God up too? Why our Ditz? All we wanted to do was allow the child to experience a more professional choir than the little island school choir. All Ditz wanted to do is sing. If you can spare a prayer or two pray that we will find a way to raise the funds to get Ditz & I to Europe next year. Um, I forgot to mention, Ditz is making sure she doesn't get sent off without me. I'm not going there.


Mrs. Darling said...

Oh my I cant imagine the chaos of having the boys home and the stress of catching ferries and such. Its amazing how someone elses stress looks far more stressful than our own. LOl Man I hope this music thing doesnt swamp you.

MamaOlive said...

My own mind seems to be on vacation, so I've nothing clever to say, but I will pray for you.

Ganeida said...

MrsD, I hope the music thing doesn't swamp me too...& I am saying no to lots & lot of the extras but as a concientious hs mama Europe is a fantastic opportunity ~ & not just musically.
MamaO, thank you!!!! Prayers are always most welcome.

The HoJo's said...

Wow, Europe would be a fantastic experience, these things have a way of working out I think :o)
Sometimes we just take on too much and the body and brain let us know in a big way when we have reached a limit. Add the menopause and I shudder to think what would happen.

Mrs. C said...

oh, congrats! And poor you! And you're doing so well to have children so sought after! Bless ya.

molytail said...

You need a vacation. Come east! (wait...I guess it's west from you...I think. LOL)

I'm not dealing with the whole 'changing life' thing yet (I'm 31, so it's not time) but my mother is - she's 55 - and I've seen how it's thrown her for a loop emotionally and stuff... she's actually off work right now on stress leave...doesn't look like much fun. Then again, I have an aunt who didn't seem bothered by it at all - she just accepted it as "that's life" and actually almost embraced it.

Ha, the talking and losing the rest of the convo goes on here as well - I'm good at that. *grin*

My cure for falling asleep everywhere would be coffee - but I'm not about to go suggesting you stog yourself with caffeine because it's hardly healthy. I just live on it LOL

Make those boys clean up their own messes! Okay, one of them is a bit off the hook because of his operation, but still..if he's healthy & energetic enough to CREATE a mess, he can help clean it too. ;-)

If you can spare a prayer or two

always! *hugs*

Duchess said...

Oh! Great! I'm extremely glad to hear that you're planning on going overseas. I think its awesome and a fantastic experience for both you and Ditz!

Got the privilege to do something similar myself as a 15 year old. An experience I'll never forget and am always grateful for doing.

So, both of you...GO FOR IT!

Ganeida said...

I really want to go back to Europe simply because I had such a blast the first time round & I know doing it with Ditz would be wonderful for both of us.

Moly, the boys do clean up but I can't stand seafood at any price & find having it about the house again hugely stressful. Pheeeew!!!